As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
