I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize