The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
