it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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