Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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