Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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