Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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