I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
