my sisters under your porch take her home
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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