is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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