ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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