you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
