i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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