We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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