I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
