I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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