i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Barsexuality is the new black.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
