at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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