well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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