I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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