Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
