the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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