the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
