took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
