I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
ok first of all what the fuck
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