But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
