i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The air was thick with penises
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
