shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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