Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
