Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
