five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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