I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Found your dick twin last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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