I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I bet he comes in French.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
