Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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