I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
