You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
