Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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