accomplished twins. life is a go
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
