if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
