Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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