Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
