hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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