We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
