I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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