just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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