ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This house was built for laser tag.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
