I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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