i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
