You work out of a Hotel?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
