i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
