Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sext me about skeletons
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
