I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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