She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
