Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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