I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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