i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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