I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
