TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dick very happy bro
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
