Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
