My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
