I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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