beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
