I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
