i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
