Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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