U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
