its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
