So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
