I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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