dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
