Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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