Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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