i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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