well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
