Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
