she's into porn, im staying here tonight
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
