btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
