when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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