Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
