I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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