the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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